John: "Cousin Joshua, is that you?"
Jesus: "Yeah, it's me. But the name is Jesus now."
Jesus: "Not Jebus, Jesus."
John: "Fine, cousin Jesus. What you've been up to?"
Jesus: "Oh, just wandering the desert..."
John: "That gets pretty boring!"
Jesus: "You're telling me. After 40 days, I did meet this interesting fellow..."
Jesus: "No, I don't think that was his name. I want to say... Bob? Not sure, exactly."
John: "What did Bob want?"
Jesus: "Who knows, I was pretty out of it by then. Anywhoo, can you do me a favor?"
John: "I guess?"
Jesus: "Can you baptize me?"
Jesus: "Baptize. You basically dunk my head in water. Any water will do. We can use a bucket, or go to that river over there."
John: "You want me to dunk your head... in water?"
John: "Are you high? Did Bob slip you some wacky weed or something?"
Jesus: "God damn it, John, I'm not high! It's just something that needs to be done!"
John: "Okay... I guess... We do this... now?"
Jesus: "No, give me a couple of days to get a bunch of people to come witness it. Oh, one more thing. You can't let anyone know we're related."
John: "But why? We're cousins! We always had your family over for Passover because aunt Mary can't cook!"
Jesus: "You keep mom out of it!"
John: "You always used to throw rocks at my head when we were kids..."
Jesus: "Yeah, but who is to know that. So if anyone asks, you say 'I do not know him'."
John: "This makes no sense!"
Jesus: "Oh, none of this makes any sense! Just stop arguing and do what I say!"