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    As much as we try to stay consistent throughout our profiles, it's not always easy. For example, we long ago created The Berenstain Bears Law, which states that animals that aren't Kosher CAN be Jewish. So let's take the converse, animals that are Kosher CAN'T be Jewish. But duck is Kosher, and we declared Daffy Duck a Borderline Jew! So...

    Well, in Daffy's case, it's simple: he is based on Jew, voiced by a Jew, and yes, we really really want for him to be a Jew, so we amend the Berenstain Bears Law to say that a Kosher animal can be CONSIDERED to be Jewish if there are some outside characteristics that appear it to be so. As you see, we've gotten ourselves in quite a mess already.

    Because where does that leave pigs? For pigs are definitely not Kosher, so that means they possibly CAN be Jewish? And what about fictional pigs that are based on Jews, such as Snowball in George Orwell's "Animal Farm", who is based on Leon Trotsky? (Perhaps that should be "pig who is based on a Jew"; we doubt there is another.) According to everything we've written above, that will make the pig a Jew? But... he is a pig! How on earth are we going to reconcile this?

    Well, considering Snowball is a revolutionary and all, it's doubtful he practices Judaism. But we can't deny his Trotsky-based Jewish roots. So? So...

    So this is what the "Barely a Jew" verdict exists for, and that's the only way out of this mess. A somewhat Jewish pig. See what we get for trying to be consistent?

    Verdict: Barely a Jew.

    June 15, 2011

    See Also

    Berenstain Bears

    Daffy Duck

    Emmanuel Goldstein

    Mr. Krabs

    Leon Trotsky
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