We've been talking a lot about animals and Judaism lately.
Nothing serious, mind you. Just the standard time waster questions one asks when one is trying to procrastinate writing a corporate brochure (to name a purely hypothetical activity). Questions such as: Is my cat Jewish? (Yes) Are certain breeds of dog Jewish? (No) Could bears be Jewish?
As a species, bears are not kosher. That's actually in their favor since we Jews, as a general rule, tend not to consume each other. Their eating habits actually fit in nicely — honey, fresh fish; these are good Jewish diets! (OK, digging out of garbage cans, not so much, but they wouldn't do that in their normal habitat.)
Unfortunately, there's not much else there. They don't light candles on Friday nights (which is probably for the best, since they live in a forest. Maybe that's how Smokey got the gig in the first place). Few bears seem willing to put in the dedication necessary for the study of Torah. And have you ever tried to get a bear to wear a yarmulke? Trust us when we say it never goes well.
So there ya go. No Jews among the Poohs, Paddingtons or Berenstains (despite the latter's Jewish co-creator since it turns out they attend church in one book). But wait, those aren't real bears. They're anthropomorphic talking bears. Does that mean they could still be Jewish?
Oh boy. Looks like we're gonna have to push back the deadline on that brochure again.