There's a little known corollary to the James Wilson Law. One that, frankly, we're loathe to admit.

For those of you who slept through the first 700 profiles (and really, what was so important you missed all that?), the James Wilson Law states:

If thou hast an ensemble cast of characters, one of them MUST be Jewish.

Here's the corollary: If you're looking at said ensemble cast and cannot discern the Jew, here's a hint: pick the nerdy loser.

Sad but true. So if we told you to use the James Wilson Law to pick the Jewish character on 90210 and you said Brandon, Brenda, Dylan, Donna (played by Tori Spelling: Jew), Valerie or Steve (played by Ian Ziering: Jew). You'd be wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. Wrong. Those people were too young, fun and attractive to be Jewish.

But if you picked seminal wet blanket Andrea (pronounced Ahndrea, just to make it clear that she was a whole freakin' box of tool), played by the 95-year-old Gabrielle Carteris (surprisingly: Jew), then good on you.

Undrea was extra-super Jewish on that show and even had whole episodes (boring, annoying, douse yourself in gasoline, flip over to see what's on CBS episodes) based on her religion. Which, sadly, also means we can't kick the undesirable Ohndrea off using the Gargamel Law.

What's that? You missed the Gargamel Law, too? What are you people DOING with your time?