Well, it's that time of year again. And while, for the most part, we could do without the holidays, there are some aspects we enjoy. For instance, the Christmas episodes of all our favorite shows.

Not for the Christmas part, naturally. After all, we have a standing pact not to spend money on anything with the word "Christmas" in the title. But there is an added benefit to these not-so-subtle celebrations of Santa that always makes them worthwhile: We get to find out who's Jewish.

You see, if your show has a Christmas episode, there's an unwritten rule that one random, ancillary character must be given a token Happy Hanukkah. On Sesame Street it was Mr. Hooper, the bodega owner. On ER, it was none other than Dr. Mark Green (played by Anthony Edwards). And on House, the Christmas episode revealed that Dr. James Wilson, the oncologist, is Jewish.

Wait a minute. Dr. James Wilson?! Played by none other than Robert-could-I-be-more-goyishe-Sean Leonard?! Are they out of their freaking minds? As long as we're throwing credibility out the window, why not just say the black neurologist is Jewish. Or the pretty-boy blonde Australian? Seriously, what the hell?

Look, we appreciate the fact that every ensemble cast feels the need to reveal a secret Jew in order to give the appearance of equality. We even enjoy it.

But if you can't do better than Robert Sean "Whitebread" Leonard, do us a favor: don't bother.

Verdict: Jew.

December 24, 2008