Sometimes things are slow here at JONJ Headquarters. After we're done writing profiles, answering reader mail, baking kugel and bickering over scores, there just isn't much else to do.
When that happens, we'll try to do other things. But usually it comes right back to who might or might not be Jewish. For, as our team of psychiatrists often tells us, we're a little obsessed.
So we're talking about television producers for some reason or another. And someone points out that Aaron Spelling — creator/producer of Charlie's Angels, The Love Boat, and Beverly Hills 90210, among a host of other somewhat crappy, yet somehow watchable programs — was Jewish.
Nice. Not thrilling. But nice. Something for the queue, certainly. But then we realized something far more disturbing: If Aaron Spelling was Jewish, then his daughter Tori Spelling, best known as the unbearable Donna on the aforementioned 90210, must also be Jewish.
See, now that's... Y'know what? That's completely predictable. Of course, on a show full of Jennie Garths and Tiffany-Amber Thiessens, the unattractive, untalented one would be Jewish (OK, they were all untalented, but they were all Meryl Streep compared to Tori).
And if that wasn't bad enough, for those too old or too traumatized to remember, Tori also played the nerdy girl on Saved by the Bell who was too dorky for even Screech.
Too dorky for Screech?! See the horrors that boredom drives us to?