OK, intrepid readers it's the moment you've been waiting for: our profile of Corey Haim!!! Corey was born in the small town of...

As I sat at my computer, typing the profile of yet another 80s hack actor, I realized that I had reached a key moment in my life...

No, Wonder Years-style internal monologue guy! Must... profile... Corey....

Thinking back, it wasn't any different than the hundreds of other Jews I'd written about over the years. But this time, something had changed.

Maybe life isn't always about who's Jewish and who isn't. But it is about finding the things that complete us and make us whole. And for me — maybe, just maybe — this profile would be the thing that would bring me that sense of fullness I had spent my whole life searching for.

And then it was gone. I felt a sense of loss, like kissing a lost loved one in a dream, only to wake up and find them gone. And I knew, even as I kept typing, that the moment had passed.

What? We're out of space? Oh well, maybe we'll get to Corey next time...

Verdict: Jew.

December 22, 2009