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    Corey Haim

    Jew Score:
    9

    I4

    O4

    K1
    December 23, 1971 – March 10, 2010

    We have a running joke here at JONJ. Nothing particularly clever mind you, just something we do to make ourselves laugh on slow days: we like to mention the Corey Haim profile which, of course, doesn't exist. It was going to be the never-ending project. We'd be at profile 1800 making jokes about being two paragraphs away from finishing Corey Haim. Finally.

    But it's not to be. As of yesterday, Corey Haim is dead, having spent only 38 years of his allotted life span. And so we must now tell our joke to stop running and sit on the curb. Because it simply isn't that funny anymore, is it?

    Perhaps someone else will wax eloquent about the lost talent that was Corey Haim. That won't be us. Remember, zero minus zero is still zero. But that doesn't mean we wanted him dead. Just, y'know, out of our movies and televisions. Preferably settling down with a nice Jewish girl, having lots of Jewish babies and spending his free time with his heterosexual life partner: the previously profiled Corey Feldman. Far far away from anywhere we might see him. FAR far away. Like Jupiter.

    Instead now we're stuck doing yet another celebrity death profile. Frankly we're getting sick of writing them. Possibly Jewish former teen stars: STOP TAKING DRUGS. Seriously. STOP. We have better things to do than write eulogies for you.

    Like coming up with a new running joke about who we ought to profile but never will.

    Yeah, somehow Chaim Potok just isn't as funny.

    Verdict: Jew.

    March 11, 2010

    See Also

    ALF

    Jonathan Brandis

    Corey Feldman

    Michael Jackson

    Brittany Murphy
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