We know what you're thinking, how could we have possibly figured out that the star of the new expansion pack for Grand Theft Auto IV (subtitled the Lost and the Damned) is Jewish?
Well, for one, we have a crack team composed of hundreds of researchers slaving day and night, searching for any clue, any hint of possible Judaism. Further, we have patented a unique technique that allows us to trace any bloodline, even those of fictional characters who have no actual blood. Finally, we studied every aspect of Johnny's character, unearthing his hidden roots. All without having to sit down and actually play the game.
Also, the character's name is Johnny "The Jew" Klebitz. So, you know, we kind of figured.
Anyway, beyond discussions of ridiculous nicknames ("The Jew"? Really?), you'd think we'd be pretty thrilled to have Mr. Klebitz. After all, it wasn't so long ago that we were kvetching about the lack of digitized Hebrew heroes.
And yet, now that we finally have one, he's a member of a biker gang (not even the gang leader mind you) who robs, assaults, and murders his way to the top (we're assuming. We haven't played the game. But it is GTA after all). A character that IGN described in a recent review as "unlikeable".
Seriously, you have to work pretty hard to be considered unlikeable in the GTA universe where they might as well name every main character "asshole."
But instead they named this one Johnny "The Jew" Klebitz and as much as we feel we must acknowledge that, well, we're pretty sure we can do better.