Call of Duty. Company of Heroes. Super Mario Bros.
Let's face it: video games are full of Nazis.
We have no problem with that — most of the time these games are about killing said Nazis. But there's a part of us that has to wonder: If killing Nazis is the virtual world's principle preoccupation, where are all the Jews? After all, if there's any justice in this world our pixelated peeps would be out there kickin' some Nazi tuchus!
And whaddaya know? The bubbeleh of all first-person-shooter-Nazi killers — Wolfenstein 3D — may, indeed, feature a Jewish protagonist: BJ Blazkowicz. But is this gun-toting vildechaya really Jewish?
Having played the games (for research purposes only, of course) we can say fairly confidently that BJ doesn't get points for killing Nazis and then collecting Torahs. In fact, the evidence of his Judaism is limited to a few random quotes from the Village Voice and other scattered Internet detritus. Even the name: Joseph Blazkowicz would be a maybe. But William Joseph seems fishy. And we can say with confidence that no Jew EVER has or will refer to himself as BJ. Seriously. That's just not happening.
So he's probably just a Nazi-killing Pole, which, y'know, is nice and all, but doesn't really solve the problem. With all the fantastical creatures floating around video game land — from pellet munching geometry to spiky haired, magical pre-pubescents — you'd think there'd be room for at least a couple of Jews, right?
(Editor's update, October 26, 2017: Wolfenstein 2 is finally out, and what do you know: goyishe father, Jewish mother! Still... BJ?)