Standing on line at the supermarket, there's really only one thing to do: search for Jews!
Well, not amongst the actual people, of course. As it turns out, that kind of questioning is deemed "creepy". The celebrities on the covers of tabloids, however? They're fair game.
So let's see what we've got:
People: "Angelina Jolie Wants Another Baby!" Well, we know she's not Jewish. Thank Hashem.
National Enquirer: "Robert Durst: Secret Murderer!" Uh oh. Yep, the man who may very well be America's unknown serial killer is a Jew. Damn.
Weekly World News: "Batboy: Captured on NYC Subway!"
Yup, in the pile of stories about crazed celebrities and crazy-er psychopaths we're pleased to bring you the most important information you'll receive today.
Batboy: Not a Jew.