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    Logan Lerman

    Jew Score:



    January 19, 1992 —

    We've previously mentioned our love for "The Three Musketeers". So you think when we found that that there's a new movie adaptation being currently filmed, we'd be pretty thrilled.

    Not exactly.

    You see, after the way Hollywood recently butchered other Dumas books, we have absolutely no faith for this to be a faithful adaptation. We can only shrug about potential plot twists that will surely butcher a timeless classic. (One would think that making d'Artagnan the father of Louis XIV, as in 1998's "The Man in the Iron Mask", would be hard to top. One would think.)

    We do like the idea of Christoph Waltz as Cardinal Richelieu, but the other cast doesn't exactly raise our expectations. (Milla Jovovich as Milady? Please.) Even the fact that d'Artagnan will be Jewish (no, not really. Played by a Jewish actor: Logan Lerman, who was a Harry Potter wannabe in "Percy Jackson & the Olympians" and almost was the new Spider-Man. Seriously, look at this kid! Musketeer? More like boy band member.) does nothing for us.

    Well, only one solution here. Quit our jobs, leave our loved ones, and move to Hollywood, trying to peddle our Musketeers screenplay to anyone who'll listen. And we'll be certain to cast Mr. Lerman in our remake as well — someone has to play the Piss Boy, right?

    Verdict: Jew.

    October 29, 2010

    See Also

    Jeannie Berlin

    Orlando Bloom

    Jeno Fuchs

    Richard Lester

    Christoph Waltz
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