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    Little Mac

    Jew Score:
    9

    I3

    O2

    K4

    What is Punch-Out? Well, if you haven't played the game, Nintendo's Punch-Out puts players in the shoes of the young, talented Little Mac, beating up blatant racial stereotypes in an attempt to win the world boxing title.

    Yes, really. G-d Bless Japan. In any case, the game was just re-released for the Wii and it made us wonder: With so many borderline bigoted portrayals, where's the Jew?

    Let's pretend to be organized and do this all alphabetical-like (with an assist from The Nintendo Wiki):

  • Aran Ryan is a "crafty, cheating Irishman"
  • Bald Bull is Turkish and charges at you
  • Bear Hugger is the Canadian champion who "lives in the woods and trains with a bear"
  • Disco Kid is black (he's basically Billy Blanks)
  • Don Flamenco is Spanish and tells us not to mess with his hair
  • Glass Joe is a Frenchman who falls down after one hit (seriously, you can't make stuff like this up)
  • Great Tiger is Indian and uses magic
  • King Hippo is an overweight Pacific Islander who can't keep his pants from falling down
  • Mr. Sandman is black (he's from Philly. Is he Black Rocky?)
  • Piston Hondo is Japanese and donates his winnings to his community
  • Super Macho Man is white and from California. He'd be a possibility except no Jew has ever been referred to as Super Macho, so he's out.
  • Soda Popinski (formerly Vodka Drunkenski) is a Russian with a drinking problem
  • Von Kaiser is German and likes to shine his boots

    Let's all say it together now: Yes, really. In any case, how is it that Little Mac fights so many other groups, but not Jews? Isn't the game just begging for a Torah Matzoh character or something?

    There's only one possible explanation. Only one that explains the exploits of a character who fights so many historic Jewish enemies. For if Mac stands for anything, shouldn't it stand for Maccabee?

    That's right, people, we're going there. Little Mac?

    Verdict: Jew.

    September 11, 2009

  • See Also

    B. J. Blazkowicz

    Goblins (Warcraft)

    Mickey Goldmill

    Johnny Klebitz

    Wario
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