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    Seven Dwarfs

    Jew Score:




    Time for more fun with the James Wilson Law! For those who missed it (for shame!), the James Wilson Law states that in an ensemble cast of fictional characters, one of them must be Jewish.

    So howsabout the Seven Dwarfs?

    Grumpy: a little man with a big nose, a beard, and a lousy attitude? If that's not a Jew, we don't know who is (and since we've written over 600 of these darned things, we clearly do).

    Sleepy: see above.

    Doc: what good Jewish mama doesn't want her little boy to be a doctor? We don't know what Doc is a doctor of, but we're betting on a D.D.S.

    Bashful: Bashful represents the quiet, nerdy Jew. The smart one terrified of talking to girls. It's cool though, he goes off to college, makes a bunch of money, and ends up marrying some gorgeous shiksa.

    Sneezy: He's having some sort of tsuris. Clearly feeling a little verklempt. Maybe a bit of a shmoigel in his pertageleh? Regardless, a bowl of Malka's chicken soup should clear that right up.

    Happy: Happy is a conundrum. He's got the beard and the schnoz, but the personality? How many happy Jews are there out there? Seriously, even our comedians are oppressed and miserable. Here's our guess: he's a convert.

    And then there's Dopey. Listen, say whatever nasty epithet you've heard about Jews — scheming, conniving, cheating — dopey just isn't one of the words that comes up. Plus, he doesn't even have a beard! No, there's only one possibility: Dopey is the token goy. What's he doing hanging out with all the Hebrews? Who knows? But whatever the reason, you know there's always gotta be one.

    A reverse James Wilson Law — who knew?

    Verdict: Jew.

    September 4, 2009

    See Also



    Jacob Ries

    Papa Smurf

    James Wilson
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