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    Amanda Bynes

    Jew Score:



    April 3, 1986 —

    Young Amanda Bynes is half Jewish, half Catholic, and says about religion that "I haven't decided yet". So, we're here to help out!

    Religion LeaderThe popeNone
    Advantage: Jews. Go to G-d. Go directly to G-d. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
    Biggest DisasterThe Irish Potato FamineBarbra Streisand
    Advantage: Catholics. Not even close.
    Spring HolidayEasterPassover
    Advantage: Jews. Marshmallow peeps taste like cardboard. Plus, have you seen what the goyim wear on Easter? Sheesh.
    Winter HolidayChristmasChanukah
    Advantage: Push. Sure, Christmas is celebrated by millions, has become synonymous with happiness in American culture and has tons and tons of gifts but Chanukah has... something... we think...
    CrackersCommunion WafersMatzah
    Advantage: No one. Because when we eat crackers, no one wins.
    MadonnaMother of JesusWanna-be Jew
    Advantage: Catholics. Sigh. You're welcome to take her back now, by the way.
    Sunday School TeachersNuns with RulersCantors with Guitars
    Advantage: Jews. To be fair, the nuns with rulers are only slightly more painful, but it's enough.
    Church or Temple LeaderPriestRabbi
    Advantage: Jews. (Comment about priests removed to not offend our Catholic readers.)

    Well, it's pretty close, but at the end it's abundantly clear that... What's this? Amanda has already described herself as Jewish? That's great, except... Now what are we going to do with our wonderful chart!?

    Verdict: Borderline Jew.

    April 20, 2009

    See Also

    Pope John Paul II


    Mandy Moore

    Barbra Streisand

    Ashley Tisdale
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