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    About the Jew Score
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    Courtney Love

    Jew Score:



    July 9, 1964 —

    One of the Jewish stereotypes we don't necessarily like, but will admit to, is our reputation of being... how do we put it... thrifty. And when confronted with it, we wear it like a badge of honor.

    So yeah, we usually go to matinees instead of catching the evening show. They just fit our schedule better. And the theaters are less crowded. And all the money we save can be used to buy popcorn. If the lines for snacks aren't too long, that is.

    And yeah, we keep driving that 20-year-old Oldsmobile. So the breaks fail sometimes, and the defroster doesn't work, and the trunk doesn't open. But we don't need to drive fast, the last two winters have been very mild, and who needs the trunk anyway? The backseat is spacious enough.

    And yeah, sometimes we'll buy knockoffs instead of the real label. So what? Like you can tell the difference between your $10,000 Rolex and our $50 Roll-Ex? The second hand sweeps differently? Whatever. We'll take that $9,950 difference straight to the bank.

    So we definitely wouldn't do what Courtney Love did which she was caught wearing a fake Chanel dress. She blamed her stylist, and then wrote a letter of apology.

    Geez, Courtney. Be honest. You did take a DNA test, which showed you're a quarter Jewish. So own up to your... sound financial planning. It might have gotten you a higher Jew Score.

    Verdict: Barely a Jew.

    December 14, 2008

    See Also

    Jennifer Beals

    Chris Cornell

    Aaron Sorkin

    Amy Winehouse

    D'arcy Wretzky
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