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    In a castle on top of a mountain, somewhere deep in Slavic folklore...

    Ivan: "I've made it! Die, Koschei!"

    Koschei: "Oh, it's you. Ivan, is it?"

    I: "How did you know?"

    K: "It's always Ivan. Which one are you this time?"

    I: "Ivan Tsarevich, of course!"

    K: "Oh, Ivan the czar's son. Good on you. I was expecting Ivan the Fool."

    I: "I am no fool!"

    K: "And yet, here you are..."

    I: "What are you even talking about? Die, Koschei!"

    K: "Uhh... Die? You know my name, right?"

    I: "Koschei, of course. Or is it Kaschei?"

    K: "Either is fine. But that's Koschei the Deathless to you. Koschei the Immortal, if you like."

    I: "Oh, you'll get your death!"

    K: "Yes, I'll have my death. My death is in a needle, and the needle is in an egg, and that egg is in a chicken... no, wait, a duck, and that duck is in..."

    I: "Enough talking, old man! Prepare to die!"

    K: "Are you even listening? Death-less. Are you sure you're not Ivan the Fool? Why do you even want to kill me?"

    I: "I am on a quest to rescue the princess!"

    K: "I've got no princesses here."

    I: "Are you sure?"

    K: "Who do you take me for? I would know if there was a princess here."

    I: "But they said you kidnapped her!"

    K: "Did they? Did you even get that princess' name?"

    I: "Maria!"

    K: "It's always Maria. Boy, these storytellers have no imagination! Ivan and Maria! No, no Maria here. Just me and my chests of gold."

    I: "Then, if there is no Maria, give me your gold!"

    K: "See, now we are finally getting to the point. I am not giving you my gold."

    I: "Come on, old man, don't you jew me!"

    K: "Excuse me? Did I hear that right?"

    I: "You know what you heard!"

    K: "I am no Jew. Some researchers have drawn parallels between my story and that of Samson, but that's a lot of bologna..."

    I: "Who is Samson? And what is bologna?"

    K: "You really are the fool, aren't you? Now get out of here, I've got all this gold to count!"

    Verdict: Not a Jew.

    April 12, 2024

    See Also

    Mr. Burns



    Malusha Lyubechanka

    Ebenezer Scrooge
    © Jew or Not Jew, 2006-2024.