We are afraid.

We are very afraid.

We are very afraid of robots.

Oh sure, they seem harmless now. The robot dog can do neat tricks without leaving a mess on your carpet. The Robot World Cup has about as much excitement a soccer game between four-year-olds. And the robot girlfriend... Well, let's leave that one alone for now.

But we've seen the future, and the future is bleak. A robot already beat a human in chess. In chess! On our own turf!

Mankind enslavement is just around the corner.

If only robot designers listened to Isaac Asimov's "Three Laws of Robotics". Especially that first one, which says that no robot may injure a human being. But we doubt they listened. The extra gigabytes that could have gone towards that are probably used to make the robot dog bark louder. The robot soccer player to kick stronger. The robot girlfriend... well, let's leave that one alone for now.

But we have a solution.

Jewish robots.

That's right, Jewish robots. Sounds silly? On the surface, perhaps. But think about it: we Jews don't attack. We Jews don't enslave. We Jews are born with a guilt complex.

So maybe that robot girlfriend won't be as hot if she was made Jewish. But she'd definitely make a better robot mother. There might be some nagging, but she'll make sure the children are well fed, brush their teeth, and do their homework.

And mankind enslavement? That will only be an afterthought.

Verdict: Jew.

October 7, 2008