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    Jared Goldberg

    Jew Score:



    June 17, 1991 —

    We spent the last two weeks watching the Winter Olympics, so, naturally, the nine-year-old wanted to know what the most dangerous sport is. (So he knows what to avoid: how very Jewish of him.)

    Uhhh... all of them?

    From sliding at psychotic speeds (luge, skeleton, biathlon) to the unavoidable crashes with flying blades (short track) to the crazy aerials that often fail to land (snowboard, freestyle skiing), to, ahem, guns (biathlon)... The Winter Olympics are chock-full of one danger after another.

    The most dangerous of them all? Alpine skiing. (When skiers claim they have every bone in their bodies broken, they are not exaggerating.) In the past two decades, something like 30% did not finish, with a further 3% disqualified.

    Maybe that's why Jews don't become Olympic skiers... Well, one exception this year: Jared Goldberg actually attempted three skiing events. His highest finish was 20th, but he did finish all three with all bones intact, so let's consider that a moral victory.

    Wait, we made a mistake.

    All Winter Olympic sports are dangerous... except curling. Curling is just lame.

    Verdict: Jew.

    February 28, 2018

    See Also

    Terry Braunstein

    Arielle Gold

    Henryk Muckenbrunn

    Gordy Sheer

    Mikaela Shiffrin
    © Jew or Not Jew, 2006-2024.