March 13, 1995 —
For the next two weeks, all Americans will become fans of Mikaela Shiffrin. You too, reader of this profile! You don't want to be left out of water cooler conversation at work, do you?
"Have you seen that Mikaela girl?", you'll ask. "Wow, is she quick on those turns! She sure showed those Austrians!" (Austrians are good at skiing, right?) "Mikaela is such a great cross-blocker," you'll say. You'll have no idea what cross-blocking means.
Well, here is another tidbit you can throw in. "Did you know that Mikaela is a quarter Jewish?" If you are met with blank stares, you can follow it up by saying, "I read it on JewOrNotJew.com!". And if that doesn't get a response... well, you don't want to talk to that person anyway. Let them get water by themselves.
Besides, in two weeks, all Americans will forget about Mikaela Shiffrin...
Verdict: Barely a Jew.
February 6, 2014