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    Dr. Brown's

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    Soda did not simply appear out of the ground, fully formed and ready to be all fizzy and delicious. After Franklin Pepsi invented soda in the 1500s (that's totally what happened, right?), all kinds of crazy stuff got added in an attempt to collect some cola cash.

    One attempt? Actual doctor, Dr. Brown (as opposed to made-up person, Dr. Pepper) added celery seeds and sugar to some seltzer in 1869 and had the nerve to claim it was refreshing. Thus Cel-Ray soda was born. And should have died.

    However, in those days, a Kosher cola was quite uncommon. Thousands of Jews were left with little else to imbibe except... ugh... celery soda. And did so. They also ate calf brains, chicken necks and sardines. Let's be clear, as poor, urban immigrants, Jews didn't have a lot of options. This wasn't culinary curiosity. It was survival.

    Soda, of course, evolved, and now comes in four approved flavors — cola, lemon/lime, orange, ginger — and also grape. So Jewish tastes have also evolved. Not a lot of places out there offering chicken neck. And with good reason.

    Yet, once again, evolution has failed to do its job, somehow forgetting to sweep up Cel-Ray with the rest of the rejects. Go to any Jewish deli and there it is, waiting for some poor soul to mistakenly drink it.

    Of course, there's a whole other group of so-called 'soda creationists' who believe that G-d simply willed soda into existence on the fourth day of creation so... dinosaurs could... have a refreshing... drink?

    In which case, Cel-Ray is living proof that the almighty is a seriously flawed fellow.

    Verdict: Sadly, a Jew.

    May 26, 2014

    See Also

    Cadbury Creme Egg

    Goldenberg's Peanut Chews

    Wendy Kaufman

    Dov Behr Manischewitz

    Sara Lee
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