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    Rachel Ticotin

    Jew Score:



    November 1, 1958 —

    The remake of "Total Recall" is hitting theaters this summer, which raises many questions. First and foremost being, why the hell are they remaking "Total Recall"? The original movie is not exactly ancient.

    And then we started thinking about the original movie, and the questions just started coming:

    What's the deal with the third boob?

    Why didn't they explain Arnold's accent?

    Why do people in the future have 80s hair?

    And, yes, was it all a dream? Because if it was... oh boy.

    In the beginning of the movie, Quaid (Arnold) is married to Lori (Sharon Stone at the height of her powers). Arnold wants to go on a virtual vacation and... you know what? If you haven't seen the movie or don't remember the plot, just watch it. We'll be here.

    So yes, now we're at a point where Quaid is on Mars, and Lori comes to visit him. He ends up killing her to run off with Melina. (Rachel Ticotin: half Jewish, half Puerto Rican. Yes, there is a world that someone picks Rachel Ticotin over Sharon Stone. This is why we're pretty sure it's a dream.)

    Now... how messed up is that? We don't care how unhappy your marriage is (and from what we see earlier in the movie, Quaid's and Lori's is anything but), but to dream about violently killing your wife? They have therapy in the future, don't they? Unless, of course, it wasn't a dream. Guess we're leaning that way now...

    And, seriously, what's the deal with the third boob?

    Verdict: Borderline Jew.

    June 6, 2012

    See Also

    Jessica Biel

    Antonio Garay

    Ian Gomez

    Geraldo Rivera

    Sharon Stone
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