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    Fred Wilpon

    Jew Score:



    November 22, 1936 —

    Defense Lawyer: Mr. Wilpon, you are accused of having knowingly taken money in the Ponzi scheme run by Bernie Madoff, is that correct?

    Wilpon: That is correct.

    Defense Lawyer: And your defense is that you were, ummmm, not savvy enough to be aware of what was going on?

    Wilpon: That (sigh) is correct.

    Defense Lawyer: Mr. Wilpon, your team, the New York Mess, er, Mets are currently in severe financial trouble, is that correct? What have you done to fix that problem?

    Wilpon: Well, we've begun selling off all our stars, but before we could do that, I held a press conference saying I thought they were all worthless.

    Defense Lawyer: So, to be clear, before you could get any money for your only assets, you went out and completely devalued them?

    Wilpon: That's correct.

    Defense Lawyer: Are there any other financial dealings you feel the court should be aware of?

    Wilpon: Well, I built a multi-billion dollar stadium that no one wants to go to because it honors a team that abandoned the city in 1957 rather than the team that plays there now.

    Defense Lawyer: I see... anything else?

    Wilpon: I think that's it.

    Defense Lawyer: Really? What about Bobby?

    Wilpon: Oh. Oh yeah. I kinda sorta encouraged our guys to sign this overweight player with one good year under his belt in the early 90s for a lot of money. After he poisoned the team during our one good playoff run in the 90s, he retired but we still owed him 5.9 million dollars. But we decided to defer the payments.

    Defense Lawyer: Uh huh.

    Wilpon: With interest.

    Defense Lawyer: Uh huh.

    Wilpon: So now that bill has come due and we owe him yearly payments of over 1 million dollars a year for the next 25 years.

    Defense Lawyer: So let me get this straight. You made an active choice that resulted in giving someone who was a team cancer and hasn't played for you in 11 years an extra 24 million dollars?!

    Wilpon: That is correct.

    Defense Lawyer: Your honor, the defense rests.

    Verdict: Sadly, a Jew.

    August 4, 2011

    See Also

    Steve Cohen

    Ike Davis

    Sandy Koufax

    Bernie Madoff

    George Steinbrenner
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