It's time for another installment of our "Ask Jew or Not Jew" feature, where young readers write in for advice. Here's a letter we recently received.
Dear Jew or Not Jew, please help me out. I'm so tired of living in this Cornfuck, Minnesota. I'm so tired of all these American imbeciles! I want to go to Europe, to Paris! I want to live, to love, to create! But I got no money. Help. — Eli Skolnik, 18, Rochester, Minnesota
What can we say? You are not the first. From the days of Gertrude Stein welcoming ex-pats on the shore of the Seine, young Americans have heard the siren call of Europe, and Paris in particular. Hell, even your humble authors of this very website thought that time in the Old World would cure what ails them.
But you know what? At the end, it doesn't. Oh sure, that breeze from the Seine refreshes your soul, and that morning baguette tastes like heaven, and that roach-infested hostel seems like a palace, but at the end, you are still you. No change of location can change that. And — trust us — those French women? We'd rather deal with Americans.
As for the money, can't help you there. But we hear the local Walmart is hiring.
Yours in youthful dreams,
Jew or Not Jew.