Dear Wes Anderson,
We apologize for our previous letters which called your last two movies "self-indulgent dreck". Who are we to judge? You are a director, and we just watch your films. Besides, even if "The Life Aquatic" and "The Darjeeling Limited" were self-indulgent dreck, and we're not saying they were, at least you gave us "The Royal Tenenbaums" and "Rushmore".
And it is "Rushmore" we're writing to you about. You see, Wes (can we call you Wes?), over the past few years we've been writing for this terrific website called "Jew or Not Jew". We try to figure out the Jewishness of various people. (You've worked Ben Stiller, right? He's on there, and he's a Jew. Seriously, you should check the website out. It's a good time.)
So let's cut to the chase. Since we also profile fictional characters, is Max Fischer, the brilliant, yet somewhat disturbed protagonist of "Rushmore", Jewish? There really is no evidence either way. His surname can be Jew or gentile. And he does go to a Christian school.
But you know what, Wes, we're gonna say that Max is Jewish. It makes a lot of sense when you think about it. Christian school? So what! Just another way to make Max an outsider. Besides, how can anyone who looks like Jason Schwartzman not be Jewish? (Well, half Jewish at least.)
So there you have it, Wes. Max Fischer. Jew. And if you conceived it otherwise, don't hesitate to write back.
Promise to never bring up the self-indulgent dreck again,
Jew or Not Jew