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    Socrates

    Jew Score:
    6

    I0

    O1

    K5
    circa 469 – 399 BCE

    "Look at those puny humans," said Zeus, taking a sip from his cup of ambrosia. "Little do they know... One of these — and BAM!" He reached for his bowl of lightning bolts.

    "Careful there, dad," Apollo's hand stopped Zeus' throwing motion. "That's Socrates down there."

    "Socrates? So what?"

    "Just listen to him talk for a minute. He's pretty smart for a human."

    Zeus turned his ear to the ground.

    "Hmmmm. Yeah, definitely not a dumb fellow."

    Zeus listened some more.

    "And I like how he refers to me as 'the God'. About time I got some recognition above your lot."

    "Ummm, dad... I'm not sure he's talking about you."

    "What do you mean, he is not talking about me? Who else could he be talking about? You? HA HA HA HA HA!"

    "Well, I am the Sun God..."

    "You! Oh come on Apollo, that's just too funny. Besides, isn't Helios the Sun God?"

    "He's the personification of the sun."

    "Yeah, that always confused the shit out of me."

    "Seriously, dad, I think it might be the Jewish God he is talking about."

    "The Jewish God? Who the Hades is that?"

    "You know the Jews? Those smart, hairy fellows with big noses?"

    "You mean the Italians?"

    "Not THAT hairy... No, the Jews live on the eastern side of the Inland Sea. And get this, dad, instead of worshiping us, they worship ONE God."

    "One God! That's just ridiculous! Unless they mean me, of course..."

    "I don't think they do."

    Zeus smirked.

    "One God! That will be the day!"

    He paused.

    "I wonder what mountain he lives on top of..."

    Verdict: Sadly, not a Jew.

    November 24, 2009

    See Also

    Alexander the Great

    Jacques Derrida

    Philo of Alexandria

    Pythagoras

    Baruch Spinoza
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