There's a whole host of TV judges wandering the airwaves nowadays, but there are only two in our hearts: Judge Wapner of the People's Court and Judge Judy of... Judge Judy. Anyway, which one's better? Cage match! But since we don't have a cage on hand, we'll put them in this handy-dandy chart, instead:

	Wapner	Judy
Home Base	California	New York
	Verdict: Judy. Both shows are filmed in California, but Judy is a former NYC judge, and that gives her the advantage.
Hair	Receded	Disheveled
	Verdict: Judy. A bad haircut is better than no hair at all. Trust us.
Young Love	Future screen star Lana Turner	Future prosecutor Ronald Levy
	Verdict: Wapner. Because when normal people get to date future starlets, everyone wins.
Book	"From the Bench"	"Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever"
	Verdict: Push. Because when judges write, everyone loses.
Parody	The Devil goes to the People's Court on SNL	Played herself on the Simpsons
	Verdict: Wapner. Jon Lovitz in a red devil suit with floppy ears gets us every time.
Mudsling	Called Judy coarse and insulting	Called Wapner rude for pointing out that she is coarse and insulting
	Verdict: Wapner. Nobody likes a tattletale. Unless, y'know, they're right.
Religion	Jew	Jew
	Advantage: Us.

And so, once again we have scientifically proven that the winner is... BOTH! When it comes to semi-fictional, Jewish TV Judges, how can we possibly choose between them?

Verdict: Jew.

September 18, 2009