"Aha!" Says our faithful reader. "Got you!" He laughs hysterically. "I'll give you Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman, and Alicia Silverstone. But Gwyneth Paltrow? She is the blondest of the blond, the WASPiest of the WASP! Stop making stuff up, Jew or Not Jew!"

Slow down, our faithful reader. We might still be searching for the purpose of this website, but we never make stuff up. So if we tell you that Gwyneth is Jewish (half), descendant from a rabbinical family, and proud of her heritage, shouldn't you take our word for it, faithful reader? Haven't we been right on countless profiles before? Why are you trying to discredit us anyway?

So she is blond. So what. So she seems to be the personification of the New York WASPy elitist. So what. She did name her second child Moses. Does it get more Jewish than that?

Don't doubt us next time, faithful reader.

Verdict: Borderline Jew.

October 24, 2006