The English sure are a sophisticated bunch. Bowler hats. Five o'clock tea. Hedge mazes. Moral superiority.

Every morning, the English gentleman wakes up, nods to his wife, walks his dog (all English gentleman have dogs), then comes back home to his hot cup of coffee and his morning newspaper.

And he opens that newspaper to the third page, and immerses himself in the world of topless women.

Oh, England! The land of Dickens and Churchill, Austen and Darwin. The land of Danni and Keeley, Nicola and Zoe.

And Jordan. How could we forget Jordan? The most famous Page 3 girl, she's risen from that page to become a major celebrity. And yes, she's a quarter Jewish — her mother's mother, which makes her a halachical Jew.

Of course, that's irrelevant to the English gentleman. As long as her Ds appear in all their glory, he's all set.

Verdict: Barely a Jew.

March 15, 2009