Dear Miss Louis-Dreyfus,

It's Jew or Not Jew. The plucky website that researches whether people are Jewish are not. Could you help us out?

We know your father is Jewish. He is billionaire Gerard Louis-Dreyfus. You are even related to the unfairly scapegoated Jew Alfred Dreyfus of the Dreyfus Affair.

But what about your mother? Your parents separated when you were one. Was she Jewish?

And what about yourself? Yes, you're at least half-Jewish ethnically, and we've seen many third-party sources refer to you as Jewish. But do you consider yourself a Jew?

You see, we've searched high and wide. We just can't get confirmation. And we understand that you're a private person, and we do value your privacy.

So we're not gonna hide in the bushes next to your house, follow you as you go shopping, or watch "The New Adventures of Old Christine". All we're gonna do is post this open letter on our website. We just hope someone relays it to you and we hear back.

And, Miss Louis-Dreyfus, until we hear from you, we're gonna toss a coin to come up with your final verdict. Heads, it's "Borderline", tails... well, what do you know.

Verdict: Jew.

December 8, 2008