"I was Jewish but I didn't want anybody to know about it." — Burt Bacharach

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Bacharach! That is NOT the way to win points with this website! Well, guess what? After we publish this profile, everyone will know that you're Jewish, so you'll have to deal with that... If you are still alive, that is. Are you? Yep, alive! Still kicking it at 92. Good for you!

Turns out we didn't need to be so harsh on Burt. The above quote references time long before he became an acclaimed songwriter: growing up in a goyishe neighborhood of Forest Hills, Queens, and wanting to fit in. Not exactly the least relatable situation.

"Whenever we played football against a team with Jewish players, our captain would say, 'Let's go and kick the shit out of these Jews,' and I would say, 'Yeah, let's kick the shit out of these Jews!'"

You know what? We need to be harsh. What the hell, Burt?

(Editor's update, February 8, 2023: No longer kicking it...)