Let's say you've just had a son and you want nothing more than to raise a nice American Jewish boy. And so you name him David.

David Roth. What a mensch! Loves his mother. Does his chores. Always has good grades and a nice girl (perhaps named Leah or Rebecca) to bring home from school. Goes to a good Northeastern college and ends up an accountant, a lawyer or hope against hope, an honest to G-d doctor like his father.

After all, people who want rock star children give them rock star names: Eddie Van Halen. Lars Ulrich. Stevie Nicks. David Roth? That's a name for singing in front of the congregation, not the stadium. But it was not to be. David was able to overcome his nominal destiny and, for a time, he was David Lee Roth: Extra super big party boy rock star, shirking his role as hero of Jewish mothers everywhere for a life of rebellion and debauchery.

"Hot for Rabbi"? "Hora the Night Away"? How about "Israel" instead of "Panama"? The word still fits, and that song never made any damn sense anyway. No such luck. So much for nice Jewish Dr. David Roth, esquire.

Although, the way his rock star resume has gone in the 18 years since its apex, those careers may yet happen...