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    Robert Sarver

    Jew Score:



    October 31, 1961 —

    Ever since Robert Sarver bought the Phoenix Suns in 2004, the NBA franchise has gone downhill. After a brief run at the top of the Western Conference, the Suns slid into a decade of irrelevance. They haven't made the playoffs in nine straight years. Sports Illustrated recently called them the "league's most hopeless franchise" — and this includes the New York Knicks!

    The notoriously cheap Sarver often shoulders the blame, recycling through coaches and draft picks as his team sinks further and further into the cellar. Despite not having a basketball background, he insists on being hands on, notoriously giving playing tips to his players.

    To explain Sarver's ineptitude further, we need to get into goats. Well, GOATs, but also goats. You see, the bearded lawn-chewer, throughout centuries a symbol with negative connotations, has become something else. GOAT, in the world of sports, now stands for "Greatest Of All Time". Quite different from its four-legged namesake.

    Sarver, well aware of the linkage, went to a local farm and filled his general manager's office with... well, goats, as a sign that the Suns should sign some... well, GOATs. A well-intended gesture, possibly, until you consider what happens when a bunch of goats get locked in an office.

    They pooped all over it.

    A lot like Sarver's tenure with the Suns...

    (Editor's update, November 4, 2021: Multiple allegations of racist and misogynistic remarks. Should have stuck with goats...)

    Verdict: Sadly, a Jew.

    March 25, 2019

    See Also

    Dan Gilbert

    Josh Harris

    Howard Schultz

    Ozzie Silna

    Donald Sterling
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