"Fast food? We don't east FAST FOOD!" That's what we tell everyone. Everyone who listens, that is.

"McDonald's? We last ate at McDonald's... let's count... oh, 18 years ago. We were driving home from college and there were no other options..."

"Taco Bell? We wouldn't eat it if someone force fed us! We had it once, on Long Island, back in 2001. Never again!" At this point, people stop listening.

"Arby's? Do you know what's in their so-called roast beef? It's soy and glue for the most part. We'll pass on the diarrhea, thank you!" G-d, are we awful.

Allow a brief interlude: when Jewish brothers Forrest and Leroy Raffel started Arby's back in 1964, we're sure they didn't envision it becoming the vomit-inducing behemoth it is today. In fact, to become so successful and spread so wide, the food had to be good, right? It's only after going through decades of cost-cutting and reducing to the lowest common denominator that you get to the ghastliness of today.

"KFC?" Well, you get the idea...