Create your own JONJ profile!
Step 1: Insert short, somewhat clever statement at least peripherally connected to the person you're profiling.
Failing that, create rambling stream of consciousness that may eventually led to the person you're profiling in some way. Hopefully.
Failing that, make a self-deprecating reference to the writing/creators/fans of this website.
Step 2: State whether the person is or is not Jewish. Place obscure Yiddish phrase here.
Step 3: Provide questionably accurate historical evidence of Jewish or Not Jewish ancestry and/or culture. Reference this data, preferably using at least two distinct, completely unreliable sources.
Step 4: Attempt witty conclusion. Ideally this will refer back to the initial statement in some way. Or it can be a complete nonsequiter tossed off at the last minute. Especially if you see the boss walking toward your desk.
Step 5: Bitch about the lack of a "Hopefully Maybe Jewish But Probably Not" choice in the verdict matrix.
NOTE: If the person is so obviously Jewish there's nothing to say, just write a whole bunch of masturbatory BS, stick a verdict on it and move on.