In the summer of what must have been 1987, when we were around ten, a friend of ours told us about THE AWESOMEST MOVIE EVER. It was about a COP who became a ROBOT and there were lots of GUNS and SHOOTING and BLOOD and it was AWESOME and took place in DETROIT, MICHIGAN and you gotta see it because it was AWESOME!

So, naturally, we had to see it.

We remember walking to the theater on a warm summer afternoon... And the theater was unexpectedly closed. Don't worry, our friend said. We'll catch another showing in another theater.

We never did.

To this day, we've never seen Robocop. A few years later, it showed up on TV, and something came up that prevented us from watching it. And as we grew older, the desire to watch a robot shooting up half of DETROIT, MICHIGAN dissipated.

So no, we're not psyched for the upcoming remake. Even finding out that the new Robocop, Joel Kinnaman, is a son of a Jewish Swedish mother, is not helping.

We can never go back to being ten, can we?...