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    John Key

    Jew Score:



    August 9, 1961 —

    Dear New Zealand,

    We need to have a serious talk. Please take a seat, Prime Minister Key. Lay down your sword, Lucy Lawless. Drop the guitar, Keith Urban. This might take a while.

    We understand, New Zealand, that Lord of the Rings is a big deal to you. And who can blame you? The original series was a critical, financial, and popular success. Filmed in New Zealand, helmed by a New Zealand director... Those tourist dollars have been flowing, and now, with The Hobbit, are not stopping.

    But here's the thing, New Zealand: dial it back a notch. Putting hobbits on your airplanes is one thing, but on your money? Isn't that just a tad overboard?

    Dear New Zealand, you have so much to give to the world! Sheep, All-Blacks rugby, Russell Crowe, kiwis, Sir Edmund Hillary, sheep, and yes, Lucy Lawless! None of them fictional, all native to your wonderful land. You do realize that Tolkien wasn't exactly a New Zealander, do you?

    Oh, and Prime Minister Key... While we have you, could you please explain why you, an agnostic son of a Jewish mother, regularly attend church?

    Verdict: Borderline Jew.

    January 17, 2013

    See Also



    Pei Te Hurinui Jones

    Julius Vogel

    Elijah Wood
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