Enough is enough.
We're tired of children screeching in fear. We're tired of women laughing in our face when we approach them in bars. We're tired of strangers asking us to rub it for good luck.
We're tired of being bald. We're going to get a wig.
Oh, we've considered the alternatives, from hair transplants (shrug) to plugs (ewwwwwww). No, a wig is just what we need.
And not some flimsy toupee that will fly away in the slightest wind. No, we're talking about something substantial.
We're going to get a powdered wig.
Don't laugh! They still wear them in England to this day! And look at this man, the wonderfully named Isaac Isaacs, former Chief Justice and Governor-General of Australia! Doesn't he look stately? Doesn't he look magnificent? Doesn't he look... not bald?
Alright, fine, we're not getting a powdered wig. G-d gave us baldness, and we'll live with it.
Besides, when is the last time we approached women in bars?