September 26, 1990 —
We usually don't profile college athletes, but in the case of USC center Abraham Markowitz, we have to make an exception. You see, he is royalty.
How is that possible? How can someone with a name so Jewy be royal? Did he trace his ancestry back to ancient Jewish kings?
Not exactly. In fact, Markowitz is not 100% Jewish. He is, to take his own word, "Jewmoan": half Jewish, half Samoan. And it's the Samoan half that gives Abe his royal roots.
Markowitz is a member of one of Samoa's royal families, Aiga Sa Malietoa. And no, Samoa is not a monarchy, but one of Abe's cousins is the King of Tonga. We're not sure how close the relationship is, but there's gotta be a scenario where he can ascend to the throne!
King Abraham I has a good ring to it, doesn't it?
Verdict: Borderline Jew.
December 31, 2012