Dear older readers,
You might look at Florida and think, what a lovely place to retire! Maybe I'll buy a condo there and spend my time among palm trees, mingling with fellow Jews... Play shuffleboard, enjoy early bird specials (steak AND shrimp for $12.95! You can't go wrong!), maybe even go to the beach now and then (must remember to always wear sunscreen!)... And then the kids can visit every winter, and it would be ever so terrific!
Here is our advice for you, older Jews. If you do move to Florida, STAY CLOSE TO THE COAST. Because once you venture inland, that idyllic paradise you picture will soon be lost.
Most of Florida is not exactly of your postcard variety. Swamps, alligators, and, how should we put it... people missing many front teeth. And, apparently, some of the most fucked-up laws anywhere.
Yes, somehow in Florida, a man can kill another in cold blood and get away with it. A man can call it self-defense, even though there is clear evidence that it's not the case. A man can roam free while his victim rots in the ground.
And no, don't worry, despite the possibly Jewy last name, George Zimmerman isn't Jewish. Hispanic and Catholic, if you care. He lives inland, after all. No Jews in Florida's inland.
Remember that, older readers.