So how are you doing this Christmas, goyim? Enjoying time with the family? Wearing ugly sweaters? Eating ham? Listening to Christmas tunes?

What's this? You read our Mel Torme profile? You made sure to avoid all those old-school Jewish-penned Christmas classics? Only modern Christmas music for you!

You silly, silly, goyim.

Do you know what's the best-selling Christmas album of the last 20 years? "Miracles", by Kenny G... Ummmm... Well, we already profiled him, and we're trying to make a point here, so yes, Kenny G, Jew! What great taste in music you have, goyim!

What's this? You just tossed "Miracles" into the fire? On to the second most popular album of the last two decades? That would be "Noel" by Josh Groban... wait for it... Jew! Okay, fine, raised Episcopalian after his father converted, but still: Jew!

Alright, goyim, fine. We'll let you enjoy your silly little holiday. Peace on earth, good will towards men, and all that stuff. But seriously...

Try to write your own Christmas music. And don't get us started on Neil Diamond, we beg you!