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    Nevin Shapiro

    Jew Score:



    April 13, 1969 —

    Almost every Jewish boy's life reaches a point when he realizes that he is just not that good at sports. Be it after the umpteenth dropped fly ball, or a penalty kick that safely drips into the arm of the grinning goalkeeper, or a figure skate that slashes the leg instead of the ice (What? Some Jewish boys figure skate!), but the realization comes. And the glove/ball/skate is retired for good, dreams of sports greatness (and the girls that love sports heroes! Oh, the girls!) shelved forever.

    But almost every Jewish boy tries to keep that connection to sports. Be it by watching games on TV, or by discussing sports ad nauseum with their friends (What? Some Jews have friends!), or by following a local team that finds a new way to break your heart every single year. (No, we don't mean any team in particular. REALLY.)

    And then there is Nevin Shapiro. We don't know when he lost his own sports aspirations, but it probably came when he realized a 5'5" frame just wont cut it. So he became a booster for his local team, college football's supposedly amateur Miami Hurricanes... and then some.

    According to a lengthy investigation, Shapiro "said his benefits to athletes included but were not limited to cash, prostitutes, entertainment in his multimillion-dollar homes and yacht, paid trips to high-end restaurants and nightclubs, jewelry, bounties for on-field play (including bounties for injuring opposing players), travel and, on one occasion, an abortion." (Oh, the girls...)

    Much of this was with the knowledge of Miami's coaches. None of it was reported, until Shapiro ended up in jail after running an unrelated Ponzi scheme. He then decided to rat himself out, after his former athlete cohorts, the ones he spent millions of dollars on, turned their back on him.

    So now, Miami will be severely punished, and Shapiro will be responsible for destroying the sports program he once so loved. So much for staying connected with sports, right? (But the girls! Oh, the girls...)

    Verdict: Sadly, a Jew.

    August 26, 2011

    See Also

    Jack Abramoff

    Bernie Fine

    Jedd Fisch

    Fred Goldsmith

    Bernie Madoff
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