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    Tony Gonzalez

    Jew Score:



    February 27, 1976 —

    So, we're 1000 profiles in. We've got a good number of fans. We're getting requests for personal appearances (yeah, we don't get that one either). JONJ is kind of a hit. Sort of (Jews, here — we pat ourselves on the back we might pull a muscle and no one wants that). Well, we all know what happens with hits: Spin-offs!

    We've already discussed some of our favored spin-off ideas. GayOrNotGay.com (GONG!) would be a good one. We tried AlienOrNotAlien for a day. FilipinoOrNotFilipino has actually come up once or twice. It pretty much works with everything. LatinoOrNotLatino? Hey, why not?

    And you know who'd make an awesome profilee for LONL? Tony Gonzalez, currently the tight end for the Atlanta Falcons and before that, the Kansas City Chiefs. That he will eventually be decapitated, encased in bronze, and then placed on a pedestal in Canton, Ohio (wait, those aren't their real heads?) is a foregone conclusion.

    As is Tony's heritage. Yup, with a name like Gonzalez you had to know: Tony was raised by his Jewish stepfather.

    Wait, what? But Tony's heritage has to be... nope: Afro-American, Portuguese, European (isn't that the same thing?), Asian...

    Yeah, so let's leave the spin-offs to the people who know what they're doing and stick to what we know:

    Verdict: Not a Jew.

    April 14, 2011

    See Also


    Arthur Blank

    Anthony Firkser

    DeAndre Levy

    Rob Schneider
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