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    Mama Cass

    Jew Score:



    (Cass Elliot / Ellen Naomi Cohen)
    September 19, 1941 – July 29, 1974

    There's a reason Jews keep kosher.

    Non-kosher foods are inherently dangerous. And not just in the obvious, well known ways like trichinosis. No, the reality, if revealed to the world, would keep you up at night in a cold, treif-induced sweat.

    Well here's what they don't want you to know: An angry, uneaten fried shrimp can strip the flesh from your bones in a matter of minutes without so much as batting an eye.

    In the correct conditions, a mixture of beef and cheese can cause a chain reaction, exploding with the force of over 100 mouth-watering hydrogen bombs.

    Bacon, in it's pure form is 300 times more addictive than cigarettes and can cause short-term memory loss, serious physical impairment and, eventually, severe psychosis when ingested regularly.

    Oh sure, snicker all you want. We're sure singer Cass Elliot (best known for her work with The Mamas and The Papas) laughed too when she heard these "legends". But then who could forget how she died: choking on a ham sandwich. If treif can take a Jew as talented and well known as Cass, then none of us are safe.

    Of course, it turned out to be just a heart attack. But don't let that fool you.

    The Kosher Kurse is real.

    Verdict: Jew.

    March 7, 2009

    See Also

    Charles-Valentin Alkan

    Art Garfunkel

    Susanna Hoffs

    Paul Simon

    Peter Yarrow
    © Jew or Not Jew, 2006-2023.