Whenever someone gets a deal on Shark Tank, they are extra happy when they get their favorite shark. Some want Mark, some want Lori. Some want Barbara, or Robert, or Daymond. No one wants Kevin. Seriously, we don't remember anyone ever saying, "Kevin was my first choice".

Sitting in the middle seat, lording over his cohorts with a dastardly sneer, the so-called Mr. Wonderful is far from his self-anointed nickname. If you get a deal with him, prepare to pay royalties as he cackles away in his wineries. Oh sure, it all might be shtick, and Kevin might be a mensch in real life, but we're not buying it. If you invite him to your kid's birthday, expect him to eat half the cake.

Now, Kevin calls himself an "honorary Jew", because he "grew up enmeshed in a Jewish environment", but come on. That's not how it works. He also says that he "appreciates the Jewish values", which, considering his predatory Shark Tank tactics...

No, no, he doesn't mean that. But let's just move on to the verdict before someone decides that Kevin is their honorary favorite shark.