Dear goyim, do we ever have a treat for you! Today, on the (alleged) birthday of your (alleged) savior, we're finally gonna do it! We're gonna profile Christ!
Wait a minute, you're saying. Wasn't Christ profiled all those years ago? You even sent us a venomous letter, stating how our site is hilarious, but we really should stay away from satirizing your one true messiah!
Oh, we did, we did. But there is Christ, and there is Christ, this handsome bearded fellow we're profiling today.
There are some discrepancies about Christ's birth. Oh, the December part is right, but it happened on the 9th, not 25th. His birthplace is not straightforward as well: some say he was born in Biel, the other in Bielle (and not Bethlehem). But on that special day all the way back in 1973, young Christ was given to the world... Oh, did papa and mama Christ rejoice!
Alright, we can't keep this charade up much longer. This Christ is rather delightfully-named Sven Christ, a Swiss footballer of average quality. No, goyim, he is not your lord and savior, but you know what, that other guy...
We'll let it go. Merry Christmas, goyim!